( ic contact );

[tsygan]

you know who it is. tell me what you want and fuck off.

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[tsygan]

( cain has never bothered with anything he didn't want to, anything he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into — and he's never really bothered to put his effort into much of anything, because that would mean investing, and anything he's ever thought of investing in … well.

he's not thinking about that. not now, when he finally has his this stupid old man back in his vicinity, and if he's perfectly honest with himself, that's been enough from the start.

it's just enough to be with him. be around him. but that question comes when that hand sweeps his bangs off of his forehead and he — his brows furrow, and he looks up at him questioningly before giving a roll of his shoulders that equates a shrug. )

Never had to. ( like it's nothing. ) Never thought about it.

[revolts]

Yeah?

[ toji mulls over the answer as he thinks about what he's doing here, what he's trying to accomplish with asking someone like cain, someone like him, about holding onto what little the world offers them with both hands. whatever it might be, however mangled and filthy and unfit for consumption. surely cain's standing invitation is an extension of that, toji holding a space no one else has ever occupied. and cain thinks it's good enough, thinks it's worth it, thinks it's everything because it's all he's ever really had.

cain's his, and toji won't walk back on that. he warned the boy, again and again, let him know exactly what the consequence of being toji's would be. toji's far from a fucking saint, and even giving that much warning is out of character for him. so. as far as he's concerned, cain's more than had a fair chance to end up somewhere better than this.

still. all that said, cain is changing him. toji isn't a saint, but when he's with cain, when cain looks at him like that, when cain wants him, holds him, talks to him like this is something real to cain too— it makes toji human in ways he thought he left behind long ago. ]

You're not begging for scraps anymore, Alexei, [ he settles on, the hand in cain's hair slipping down to hook fingers under cain's chin, angling his face up. ]

You've got me. You can decide what you want and what you don't. Got it?

[tsygan]

( he still like to think he knows what he's gotten himself into, as far as giving himself so wholly over to the other, what it means to be possessed by someone; he's not about to rescind his offer, or take back anything he's said in the interim, but it's still going to take a little bit for him to realize that what toji is about to tell him is true.

he's not begging for scraps anymore.

even though it still feels like that's how things are always going to be for him, because that's all it's ever been and things have never been as good for him as they are now. he's never felt like he really belonged anywhere, had a place to call home even if he's realizing now that home doesn't have to be a place. it can be a person. it can be —

his throat works in a dry, clicking swallow as the other hooks his fingers beneath his chin and angles his gaze upward, and for a second, he doesn't know if he can meet toji's own; he feels achingly exposed, vulnerable, as he never has with him before, even after giving over his stupid name and everything that had come with it. so soon after meeting this man, this whirlwind of a human being that he wants to get even more swept up in.

hw swallows again, finally meeting those dark eyes and holding steady, one of his own hands coming up to curl cool fingers around his forearm. ) Yeah. ( it comes out as a croak. ) Yeah, I got it. But that don't mean I don't still mean what I said. ( i always want you. )